Double Clicking the Mouse

Dear SW,

You're right, it's not the computer. Double clicking the mouse is one of those “cute ” synonyms for female masturbation. There are a lot of them, by the way, including petting the petunia, teasing the tuna taco, checking for squirrels (as if they might be hibernating up there) and pearl fishing (which can also be used to mean oral sex performed on a female).

However, most of these terms turn up more often in online lists of "naughty expressions" than in actual conversation. Unisex terms, such as playing with yourself or diddling are more common. Among exclusively female terms, jilling off (the female version of jacking off) seems to be one of the more usual expressions, appearing frequently on blogs and message boards.

It's interesting to note that there are a lot more terms for malethan female masturbation. One possible reason for this is that women spend less time doing it. According to the Kinsey Report, 92% of males said they had masturbated, compared with only 62% of females. But who knows? Kinsey's studies on human sexuality were done over forty years before the advent of Sex and the City and women may have felt embarrassed to admit such a thing to a male researcher. My personal theory, as I noted when I put up the Adult Slang Picture Dictionary back in 2003, is that women, unlike men, just have better things to talk about than their sex lives with themselves.

Your pal,

A. C. Kemp

January 26, 2006