Jack: You need to get laid, Miles. You know what? That's going to be my best man gift to you this week. I'm gonna get you laid.

Miles: Wonderful.

Jack: I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other horse shit.

Miles: I'd rather have a knife.

Jack: You need to have sex, Miles. You know what? That's the present I'm going to give you this week for being the best man at my wedding. I'm going to help you find a woman to have sex with.

Miles: Wonderful.

Jack: I'm not going to get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other nonsense.

Miles: I'd rather have a knife.

Miles: This weekend is not about me. It is about you. I'm gonna show you a good time. We're gonna drink a lot of good wine. We're gonna play some golf. We're gonna eat some great food and enjoy the scenery and we are going to send you off in style, mon frere.

Jack: And get your bone smooched.

Miles: This weekend is not about me. It is about you. I'm giong to show you a good time. We're going to drink a lot of good wine. We're going to play some golf. We're going to eat some great food and enjoy the scenery and we are going to give you a great farewell to your single days, my brother.

Jack: And get you some oral sex.

Miles: Excuse me, sir, my friend was the one balling your wife couple of hours ago. Really sorry. He seems to have left his wallet behind. I was wondering if I could come in, just poke around, I don't know.

Miles: Excuse me, sir, my friend was the one was having sex with your wife a couple of hours ago. I apologize. He seems to have left his wallet behind. I was wondering if I could come in and look around to see if I can find it.

Jack: Don't you just want to feel that cozy little box grip down on your johnson?

Jack: Don't you just want to feel the pressure of her tight vagina on your penis?